Give one thing away

In Buddhism there are practices called the paramis. Depending on which tradition you follow there are six of them, or ten, and practising them is said to lead you toward a more virtuous life. If you know the word karma, you can think of the paramis as a way of tidying it.

Two of them sit very well together: generosity and relinquishing. When you practise one, the other grows stronger. Being generous, it turns out, makes it easier to let go.

What this has to do with clutter

Relinquishing means letting go. Of stuff, of people, of feelings. Most of us find it hard, and some of us find it painful. It can also be the first step toward becoming the person you are meant to be.

After 50 the stuff question gets louder. The children have their own places, or should. The house may feel too big, and one day you may move to a smaller one. Every cupboard holds things you kept for a reason you can no longer quite remember.

Most advice about clearing out starts with the easy things. This starts with a harder one.

Try this at home

1. Choose something you would rather keep. An item with real value that you are not ready to part with yet, and that you know would do someone else a great deal of good.
2. Notice how hard that is. Even thinking about it. Ask yourself why it matters so much, and why you have given it so much power in your mind.
3. Give it away. Be generous, and let it go.
4. Pay attention afterward. Feel the small joy of having been kind to someone, and the freedom of a thing that no longer has that kind of hold on your life.

Then, if you like, do it again with something else.

The harder version

The next step has nothing to do with the house. It is the same practice, done with a thought: the anger you are still carrying about someone. Being generous toward them, and forgiving, may be the way to set it down and get on with a better life.

That one will not fit in a donation bag. It takes up more room than anything in the basement, though.

From the archive. First written for my journal years ago, and rewritten for life after 50.