The bedroom, after the kids have gone

For a long time the bedroom held everything. Laundry waiting to be folded. A child who had a bad dream. School photos on the dresser. After 50, with the house quieter, it can go back to what feng shui always said it should be: a room for the people who sleep in it, and nobody else.

These are the bedroom ideas from my old articles on feng shui for love. They suit a couple who have the house to themselves again. They suit you just as well if you are single again and the bed is all yours.

Clear it first

Before you move anything, take out what does not belong in the room. Then freshen it. Open the windows and let the sun in, ring a bell around the room, or light a little incense or an essential oil. The tradition says a room should be cleared before anything new is asked of it.

Who belongs in here

The old rule is that the bedroom reflects only the people sleeping in it. That means the photos of the children come out, along with the family portraits and even the pictures of the dog. Your grown children's graduation photos are lovely. Move them to the living room, where the tradition says family portraits do the most good.

The same goes for grandchildren. Love them in every other room.

If you are on your own now, the rule still holds. The room is yours. Let it look like it.

The south west corner

In compass feng shui the south west is the corner of love and relationships, and its element is earth. Find it with the compass on your phone and start there.

• A red or yellow lamp. Warm light in the south west of the bedroom is said to soften the room. Some people add a small red light near the bed, left on through the night, or a red lantern, which the tradition says brings a couple closer.
• Crystals. Rose quartz and amethyst are the usual choices, said to bring a feeling of happiness to a room. Seven crystal spheres in the south west corner is the stronger version. At least one should be clear quartz.
• Things in pairs. Two candles, two cushions, two of whatever you like. If you have birds in the room, keep it to one pair. Lovebirds and mandarin ducks are the classic ones.
• Peonies. A print or photo of peonies in full bloom is said to bring warmth and attraction.

What to keep out

No water in the bedroom. No fountains and no still water either. The tradition is firm about this one.

Then lie down and look at what faces the bed. A mirror, a television, a computer screen: anything reflective pointing at you while you sleep is said to unsettle the room. Move it or turn it. And if your headboard is against a bathroom wall, move the bed to another wall if you can.

Do it on purpose

In Black Hat feng shui there is something called the Three Reinforcements. What you think, what you say and what you do all point the same way, and the tradition says a change made like that goes much deeper than the same change made in a hurry.

You can move every lamp in the room, and it will not count for much if part of you feels you do not deserve a lovely room. Feeling loved starts with how you feel about yourself. That part is the same whether there are two of you or one.

From the archive. First written for my journal years ago, and rewritten for life after 50.