What makes a best friend

I was watching a show once where a woman was talking about how many friends she had. All of them, she said, were her best friends.

Everything moves fast now, friendships included. You meet someone at a party on Saturday and by Tuesday they are your new best friend.

I could only ever count two people I would call best friends. So what made them that? It came to me one morning while I was chatting away with one of them.

Seventeen years

When I first wrote this, we had known each other seventeen years. She lived in the southern states and I lived up north. We rarely saw each other.

And yet every time we talked, it felt as though we had been hanging out every day. We laughed. We commiserated. We told each other the truth, even when it was not much fun to hear.

I would call her for no reason at all, or when I really needed advice.

No checklist

Best friends do not have to go to yoga class together. They do not have to meet for coffee every day, or even remember your birthday.

A best friend is someone you spend time with for no apparent reason at all. Just to spend the time.

That is a rare thing, and it does not happen quickly. Most of us lose touch with a friend or two in the busy years. Work, children, a move, and suddenly it has been ten years since you last really talked. After 50 there is usually more room in the week again, and the people worth calling are generally the ones you already know.

Call her

You probably have someone in mind already. The one who would pick up and carry on as though you had spoken yesterday.

Day six of my seven day morning guide, The First 21 Minutes, is called Call her. You do not need a reason. That is rather the point.

From the archive. First written for my journal years ago, and rewritten for life after 50.